Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. 

2 Corinthians 1:3–4

Shame. Embarrassment. What discouraging words do you connect with the confusing relational tendencies you’ve noticed in yourself? I’ve met many men and women who describe their struggles with codependency and toxic relationships as humiliating, stupid, or childish. Many adults fight hidden, painful battles with basing their sense of well-being on a person and that person’s responses to them. They secretly feel like the kid sitting alone at lunch in middle school or the only one not on the invite list for the prom party.

Whatever words describe your experiences, you have a God who not only understands but is merciful, gentle, and eager to comfort your heart. His comfort may not seem like what you want most right now, but I guarantee it’s what you need.

Because of sin’s devastation, there are plenty of ways for our hearts to experience affliction. Emotional distress, fear, and loneliness are afflictions we sometimes face because of relationships. When we get honest about working on our sinful contributions to our relationships, it becomes obvious why we need a rescuing Savior, a counseling Spirit, and a merciful Father! We are a weak and needy people.

Recognizing our weakness and affliction, Paul starts his letter to the Corinthians with a reminder about who God is and what he provides. He is a Father of mercy—he is tenderly aware of what we face in a sinful world. He does not condemn or shame us for our struggles but instead invites us to draw near to him with our hurt. He is the God of not some but all comfort.

You see, we need to know that God is merciful and comforting when sinful, enslaving desires threaten to rule our hearts in response to pain and disappointment. He assures us of his presence in the midst of what we are feeling. When we are tempted to respond sinfully to difficult relationship situations, God’s comfort rescues and settles us. A verse speaks specifically to our heart; someone unexpectedly checks in with caring words; God enlivens faith within us, enabling us to believe that as difficult as our situation is, his love is a sure refuge for us.

Unhealthy relational patterns don’t form overnight, and they won’t be overcome in a day. Be patient with this process; you are in good hands that are full of comfort.

— Ellen Mary Dykas, author, Toxic Relationships