Christmas can be a difficult time of year for married couples. You face financial pressures, packed calendars, divergent expectations—not to mention time with your in-laws. Amid the chaos, you may feel like you have no time to nurture your relationship with your spouse.

But I want to cast the Christmas season in a different light. You can draw close to your spouse this Christmas instead of drifting apart.

My favorite retelling of the Christmas story is found in Paul’s letter to the Philippians.

Though he was in the form of God, [Jesus] did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. (2:6-7)

Paul reminds us that the incarnation isn’t just a story; the love Christ displayed by becoming man casts a vision for the entire Christian life—including marriage.

Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. . . . Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus. (Phil. 2:3, 5)

In the Christmas story, the very heart of God is revealed. We see his great love for us—a love that led him first to a manger and ultimately to the cross.

Your marriage is uniquely designed to reflect his love. Christmas isn’t a distraction from your marriage but a potent reminder of its purpose. As you consider your spouse this holiday season, may you do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count them more significant than yourself. May Christ’s incarnation be the reason for the season and the reason for the tone of your home.

Scott Mehl, author, Redeeming Sex in Marriage