Here is the Introduction to Catching Foxes: A Gospel-Guided Journey to Marriage by John Henderson.
Introduction
Go forth, O daughters of Zion, And gaze on King Solomon with the crown With which his mother has crowned him On the day of his wedding, And on the day of his gladness of heart. (Song 3:11)
There should be no doubt in our minds that Solomon was prepared for his wedding day. The hour of his marriage did not sneak up on him. He was ready. His bride was ready. “How beautiful you are, my darling, how beautiful you are! Your eyes are like doves behind your veil; your hair is like a flock of goats that have descended from Mount Gilead” (Song 4:1).
The parade, the carriage, the columns of smoke, and the vast array of armed attendants signaled a day of triumph and celebration. This wedding had been planned for a while. Indeed, it was “the day of his gladness of heart” (3:11).
We cannot believe, however, that the only preparations for such a day were material or external. After all, the trumpet sounds and smells of perfume would soon fade, and a lifetime of sacrifice, service, and covenantal love would remain. The flowers would wither, and the clothing would wear out, but the marriage covenant was to flourish and strengthen until the end. External adornment was only part of the picture.
“Catch the foxes for us, the little foxes that are ruining the vineyards, while our vineyards are in blossom” (Song 2:15). Foxes can destroy a vineyard. They love to dig holes and trample vines in search of their prey. They have no regard for the vulnerability of vines and grapes; they care only for their selfish appetites.
With these words in 2:15, Solomon pointed to a critical work that is needed before marriage: finding, capturing, and (if need be) destroying any serious threats to the marriage relationship.
The “vineyard” of any loving relationship and marriage union can be ruined by any number of “little foxes.” Pride can reduce the vines of marriage to stubble. Selfish appetites, if left alone, can destroy the sweetness of true fellowship. Extended family members and former lovers can invade the vineyard of marital love with toxins of contention and division. The idols of our hearts have no real concern for our marriage fruitfulness; they only nurture their own personal interests and serve themselves. We all need to know this.
Solomon, inspired by the Holy Spirit, knew that selfish appetites and false idols at work in his heart and the heart of his bride had to be identified and driven away in order for their marital love and affection to grow and blossom. Enemies to a God-honoring union had to be ushered out. If the grapes of their vineyard were to fully ripen into marital fruitfulness, then dangers had to be cornered and fenced off.
Surely Solomon was speaking to the condition of their souls and not to actual physical land. He pointed to potential dangers in their relationship, not to the quality of their wedding decor.
God called Solomon and his bride to address matters of the heart before Him and before each other. The critical labor for which He called was not external and physical but internal and spiritual.
This remains true for us today. The most vital preparation for marriage is internal. Our hearts must be awakened, matured, and strengthened in Jesus Christ. We must learn to appreciate the covenant of marriage as God appreciates it. Our hearts must be focused on Him. We must be filled with His grace and learn to follow His Word. After all, a marriage between a husband and wife is primarily, and above all else, about the glory of God and the exaltation of Jesus (see Eph. 5:22–33;Col. 1:17–18). It is about learning to love another person with the strength that His Spirit provides.
Every generation of God’s people lives in constant danger of missing the beauty and seriousness of marriage and, as a result, experiences a shallow and miserable version of the real thing. Whenever we miss its beauty and seriousness, we offer the world and future generations a warped and empty picture of marriage. We then offer them a warped and murky picture of Christ and the church. We all need ongoing, supernatural help in order to notice, enjoy, and project the glory of God in marriage.
The world surrounding every generation of God’s people will supply its unique legion of foxes to bring destruction on the vineyard of biblical marriage.
The Word of God offers constant and sure defenses. It offers constant streams of strength and courage to help us along the way. The words of Christ provide a beautiful reminder of what life and marriage are really about, for our sake and the sake of His precious name.
And He answered and said, “Have you not read that He who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matt. 19:4–6)
What Jesus declared about marriage—“So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate” (Mark 10:8–9)—was something very radical and profound to His hearers at that time. This message was not a new decree from God, because the Old Testament provides this picture of marriage multiple times and in multiple ways (see, for example, Deut. 24:1–4; Mal. 2:13–16); however, this truth was easily neglected. Jesus used strong words to explain an age-old reality. He explained that marriage has always belonged to God. And He was saying that marriage has always been a miracle. Jesus talked about marriage as a miraculous gift from
God—a precious possession that deserves our careful attention and protection. The people of Jesus’ day either forgot or failed to notice the splendor and seriousness of the gift. We tend to forget and fail in the same way.
Despite all the wonderful resources and hard efforts that we pour into wedding ceremonies these days, we easily miss the amazing meaning behind the whole show. Behind the beautiful ceremonies, colorful decorations, and snappy outfits, a far more beautiful event—a miraculous event—exists. When an ordinary man and an ordinary woman come together before God and the world to become husband and wife, something extraordinary begins to happen. God joins them together. For this lifetime, at least, He makes them one.
So often we neglect and forget the significance of this union.
At the same time, every generation of God’s people may face another (albeit less common) temptation to deify marriage itself, making it the primary object of our obsessions and desires. We can worship marriage falsely. As bizarre as it may sound, we can exalt marriage above the Lord Jesus Christ. And when we do, we quickly overlook the central point of marriage: to display God’s glory, not our own, and to make much of Christ’s eternal union with the church, not our temporary desires. Indeed, constant yammering about the latest strategies for marital romance, new ways to meet spousal needs, and better methods for balancing the household budget can actually, if we are not careful, drown out the majesty of Christ in marriage and thus short-circuit the splendid purposes that God intends marriage to serve.
When we deify marriage, we also miss how God displays His glory and builds His kingdom through a variety of other means and gifts in creation besides marriage. It may seem strange to you, but any one of us can become so preoccupied with celebrating marriage that we fail to behold and celebrate the purposes of God in singleness—to enjoy how those who are not married might contribute to the body of Christ as a whole. Married people may easily become separated from unmarried people, and those with children living at home from those without, who are then separated from the aging, who might as well be separated from people who have dogs or cats or goldfish. Using demographic data as the primary reason for separation in the body of Christ tends to erect walls that the gospel has always sought to demolish.*1
Hopefully you can see a few reasons to prepare for your marriage prayerfully and thoughtfully. Such preparation can help you to grow your appreciation and respect for the covenant of marriage without making an idol of the institution. This book intends, by the grace of God, to help you understand the miracle and gift of marriage and, through such understanding, to prepare your hearts and lives for the journey you are about to begin. Our goal will be to raise our sights so high, bring our pride so low, and shape our view of marriage so strongly by the gospel that our hearts may be compelled by the Spirit of God to walk every step of the journey in His grace.
So if you are a couple preparing to marry, let me begin by saying, congratulations! You have reason to rejoice and be glad. You have chosen to partake in a wonderful miracle. Let me follow by saying this: Be sober and get ready! You have chosen to enjoy one of the finest gifts that our God has ever given for life on earth. Marriage comes from God. He designed it in His own mind. He formed it and blessed the union. He owns it. He has attached the glory of Christ and the church to the relationship between a husband and wife. This is what you are getting into—and much more.
Hopefully you have already found an older, wiser, Christ-loving couple to help you along the road. If so, they will be reading this book and learning along with you (and none of us will ever finish learning and growing in marriage on this side of the grave). Yet the real target audience of this study will be you—the man and woman preparing to be joined as one, called to partake of the marriage covenant together, called to worship and enjoy God together, called to reflect Christ and the church together.
*1. Please read Ephesians 2:11–22—a beautiful passage that addresses this concern.
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